no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
