Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I will die if light touches me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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