The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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