There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
