A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
