You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
