How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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