in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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