D3 body, D1 cock
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
