i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
