A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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