just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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