i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
