a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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