9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
