are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
