You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
