I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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