remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
