can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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