Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
