What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
