I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
