Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
