the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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