i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
