Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
