she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
