if i died would you start the facebook group?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
