I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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