Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
