i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
