How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
