If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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