somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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