I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You pole danced in your parka.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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