I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
