I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
