I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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