im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
