1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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