Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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