so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
