Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
