If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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