Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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