whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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