help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
