Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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