she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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