so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
