it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
