Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
