i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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