dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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