i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want her autograph on my taint
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Randomize
